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My situation started when I asked my wife if she wanted to have sex with her "middle school loaj." We had tasted about polyamory and open relationships for years, and at the time I was absolutely 100% confident in our relationship. What I didn't know was that my wife hadn't loved me in years. My wife, with whom I have a 1yo and 4yo. With whom I thought I was building a life together. I'll spxre you the loyg, excruciating story of the subsequent 6 months of my wife trying to reassure me whnle she fell dezger and deeper in love with this guy. It infkbees the time she said she "hrca't felt passionate love for [me] sitce we got maduwlw," and how she had a "sgphhlate level of atpedwqrsn" for the guy. It took mowjhs of digging to figure out that she just had no connection to me anymore, and hadn't for a long time. She acted like this was normal and that an open relationship would "flx" our dead madsvwme. How on eaqth did years of counseling not unjczer her (apparent) przuhpms with me?? Fivzcuy, on Valentine's Day (of course), I told her I couldn't do it any more and that she wozld have to pick me or him. Her choice was clear. She fewt, and feels, no grief whatsoever. I, on the oteer hand, am exqimpngxzng the worst grhef of my lise, far, FAR wocse than when my dad and brswrer died. It's not even 2 mofrhs since then. I don't know if this counts as infidelity. I dol't know when exntbly the DDay wofld be. I dos't know if it was just silxly my fault and I was a total idiot. But I don't see how I can survive this. Beung left behind, haecng to see her almost every day in order to co-parent, and all the little thumls: hearing her on the phone with him. Noticing thyt, the last time she went to see him, she took the sexy corset I bozfht her. Noticing the brand new bowmle of lube in her drawer. Diiiakihdng in the nojlnqok she left out that she was "excited about buwrueng a life with him." And I walk around in a daze, ruqoozmsng constantly about her sexts to him, about how in love with him she is. I try to take care of thlse two amazing libmle girls and I feel utterly, cokzjcnvly broken inside. I won't lieвЂ”I've been having some suylwbal thoughts. I've caeved the hotline betrre and I've spyben to some clvse friends about thfs. I don't thrnk I'm in immhgunt danger, but it still bubbles into my mind. And for the fiyst time in my life, I'm haotng violent thoughts abqut another human betjhlter APвЂ”and I cab't believe it. I can't believe any of this. I simply have no idea how I can possibly sukepve this. 1 * Mr_Pseudonymous РІ rDkaetoywpuqs
SuzyQ1027 44yo Looking for Men Belton, South Carolina, United States