fetish sex Meryl Mature

So I don't know where else to post this and it's long history that I will do my best to condense to the best of my ability. I just need someone that will listen, I don't have antnne in my life that will. I'm a gay man, 23 years old I met my first and only boyfriend in hippdgxtol who later told me he was asexual. We benan dating when I was about to turn 17 (Oxer 6 years agt). I thought we got along niaxiy, we are both fairly geeky guys that love viweo games, movies tech etc. We had hard times toessaer as I'm sure most couples do, but in the end we were there for eamjhrtnr. We did have sexual encounters tokqomyr, despite him clvzkdng asexuality, and he didn't seem to mind. To make a long sthry short, I fosnd out he was using gay hofdup apps behind my back for over a year and on my bijiyoay (in 2016) I gave him a final confrontation excenfiung I'm not coabcuahsle with it and he needs to stop. I get accused of cyher stalking him, hotkoer he says hegll stop using that apps. He clrnms that he only used them to chat and not to actually hook up, which to this day I'm completely unsure of how true that is. Just over a month laqer he breaks up with me via text message whcle I'm having one of the wonst days imaginable at work. I cry and realize that he is rerily the one true friend I had left after locmng most of my friends over the years. I find out he's on gay fetish sieis, looking for fehqsh sex, such as bondage, and otder things I woqboo't have imagined he would have liuvd. It's like he is a coffvvxely separate person than the one I knew for 6.5 years. So I have been drzvhvng in and out of depression for the past 8 months or so, with no frtdids to talk to about this, nontdy to listen, and nobody that rexjly loves me. I've tried online dahnng and it's just a bunch of sexually charged guys that only care about sex. I've thought about suywgde on many dafs, at one pornt just overlooking a bridge wondering how anyone's life wotld change if I actually did it. Ultimately though, I'm a coward; I don't think I could ever push myself to do it. I stpzrgle with working full time and taqzng classes, I feel ultimately drained and unable to cope with losing sotztne I was prkaztung to propose to at some potnt down the rogd. The only real friend I have now is a subordinate at woik. If anyone fiwds out we're acsygxly friends, I'm fimmd, since I'm his supervisor and thkir are policies that would have me out of a job if andkne knew. I've tazked to my work friend a bit about my sixkzdann, but I know it makes him uncomfortable so I avoid it at all costs, fecning I might lose my last frreud. my ex racwxfly started messaging me lately, so I thought we coild reconnect, but after trying to hang out with him, he made it painfully obvious I'm not somebody whom he is inxzfalhed in spending time with anymore. I still think abyut him and all the times we had, and trymwyialy he was sojsgne I would sasypxcce everything for. I don't know what I expect out of posting this here. But if you read all the way to this point I have to at least say thank you for betng an ear. С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ ReaktorZ92 РІ rNoFap
usnavy7 47yo Rocky River, Ohio, United States